What we do not do
We do not sell the grave
The cemetery does, and its bill is often larger than ours.
A grave is bought from a cemetery, not from a funeral home. So is the right to open it, so is the care of it, and so, usually, is the requirement for a liner around the casket. We will deal with that office for you and we will put its charges on our bill because somebody has to pay them on the day — but they are the cemetery's charges, they are set by the cemetery, and we add nothing to them.
Families frequently believe the whole cost of a burial came from us. It is worth knowing which half is which before you compare two funeral homes, because the half we control is the smaller one.
The deed is the thing to find first
Almost every avoidable delay in a burial turns out to have been a delay about a piece of paper.
A grave is a right of burial rather than a piece of land, and that right is recorded on a deed the cemetery issued to whoever bought it, sometimes two generations ago. The office will not open a grave on the strength of a family's memory of owning one, which is the same rule that stops somebody else being buried in yours.
So the paper counts for more than the recollection. If the family believes it owns a grave, look for the deed on the first day, before anything else about the burial is settled. If it cannot be found, the cemetery has to go back through its own records, and that is the delay that moves a funeral by a week.
What to do about it
What to do about it, today
One search and one telephone call. The call is short once you know which three answers you are after.
Find the deed
It is usually filed with the will, the insurance policies or the property papers rather than anywhere sensible. A photograph taken on a telephone is enough to start with.
Ring the cemetery office, or ask us to
Either is fine. Cemetery offices keep good records and are generally helpful; what they will not do is act on an assumption.
Ask who is named on the deed
The right belongs to the person named on it rather than to the family in general. If that person has died there is a routine step to go through first, and it takes time. That is the whole reason for asking early.
Ask how many burials the grave has had, and how many it will take
A grave is sold for a number of interments. Families are surprised in both directions, and the day itself is the worst moment to find out.
Ask what has to go around the casket, and what the day you want costs
Whether a liner or an outer container is required is that cemetery's rule and nobody else's, and it is a real charge on the day. A weekend day or a holiday is commonly charged differently, which is worth knowing before a day is announced to the family.
How to recognise it
What a less honest version of this looks like
Nothing untrue has to be said here. Less is said, in a shape that hides which half is which.
One undifferentiated total
A single figure covering the funeral home and the cemetery together, with no line where the boundary falls. Ask for it broken out: our charges on one side and the cemetery's on the other.
The word arranged, carrying more than it should
Dealing with a cemetery office on your behalf and selling you a grave are different acts and only the first is ours. If the paperwork does not make that plain, ask which organisation is actually being paid for the line.
A comparison between two funeral homes made on the total
Two totals that both contain the same cemetery's charges do not compare the two funeral homes at all. Compare the part each one sets, which is the smaller part.
None of that calls for suspicion. It calls for one question, asked once: which organisation is being paid for this line, and who set the figure.
We put the cemetery's charges on our bill because somebody has to pay them on the day, and we add nothing to them. If the itemised statement does not make that obvious at a glance, say so and we will rewrite it until it does.
- Cemeteries and crematories — What each charges for, and the questions worth asking that office.
- What it costs, and why — Which half of a burial is ours, and what moves the number.
- The price list you are owed — What every provider has to hand you, printed and to keep, before arrangements are discussed.
The rest of the argument
One argument in nine parts
Each of these is a place where a family is told less than it needs to know, by somebody, in an ordinary week. They are on separate pages because they come up separately. They are the same argument.
The other eight
If the deed cannot be found
Ring anyway. It is a common problem with a routine answer, and starting on it the first day is worth more than anything else you could do this week.