Practical
Veterans' entitlements and honours
A great deal is available to a veteran's family at no charge, and a great deal of it goes unclaimed because nobody knew to ask. We ask, every time, at the arrangement meeting.
Start here
Find the discharge papers before anything else
This is a page about forms rather than about gratitude. Everything on it follows from one document, and a family that produces it in the first day gets all of this without difficulty. A family that cannot find it gets most of it eventually, and gets it late.
- The discharge papers. The single most useful piece of paper in this whole process. If they cannot be found, they can be requested, but that takes weeks and it will hold up a national cemetery burial.
- The service number or Social Security number.
- Branch, and the dates of service.
- Whether the person had already been assigned a grave. Some veterans arrange this in advance and the family does not know.
Look in the places paper accumulates rather than the places it belongs: a deed box, a folder of tax returns, the back of a photograph album, a bank's safe deposit. Veterans of a certain generation frequently kept the papers with their marriage certificate, and just as frequently told nobody where that was.
If they genuinely cannot be found, say so at the first conversation rather than at the end of the week. A replacement can be requested and it takes weeks, which is long enough to move a burial in a national cemetery but not long enough to stop anything else on this page.
If the person served, find the discharge papers before anything else. Several entitlements follow from them, most of them at no cost, and a great many families never claim them.
What may be due
What a veteran's family may be entitled to
All of it is provided by the Department of Veterans Affairs and none of it is ours to grant, refuse or charge for. What we do is apply, on your behalf, with everything else we are filing that week — which is the only reason to tell us early rather than to work it out afterwards.
A burial flag
Provided at no cost, to drape the casket or accompany the urn. We apply for it.
A government headstone or marker
At no cost, for a grave that has none — in a national cemetery or a private one. There is also a bronze medallion for a private headstone that is already in place.
A memorial certificate
A certificate bearing the President's signature, sent to the family. We apply for it with everything else.
Burial in a national cemetery
The grave, the opening and closing, the liner, the headstone and the permanent care, at no cost to the family. An eligible spouse and dependent children may be buried in the same grave.
An allowance towards the funeral
The amount depends on whether the death was connected to service. The office decides; we help you claim.
Two of those are worth reading twice. A government headstone or marker is available for a grave in an ordinary cemetery as well as in a national one, which surprises most families; and where a private headstone is already standing there is a bronze medallion for it instead. The allowance towards the funeral is the one with real variation in it, because the amount depends on whether the death was connected to service, and that is a question the office answers rather than a question we answer.
An eligible spouse may be buried in the same national cemetery grave later, at no cost, and so may a dependent child. Families who did not know that have occasionally bought a plot they did not need.
At the service
Military funeral honours
At a minimum, two uniformed members of the armed forces, the folding and presentation of the flag to the next of kin, and the sounding of Taps. There is no charge for it. We request it from the branch on your behalf, and it needs as much notice as we can give them, which is the practical reason to tell us at the first conversation.
That is the minimum and it is worth knowing precisely, because a family that does not know what to expect cannot tell whether it has been given it. It is short and it is small: two people, a flag folded and handed over, and Taps. Families sometimes picture something much larger and are briefly thrown on the day, which is a thing a page like this can prevent.
It can be done at a graveside, at a national cemetery, or at the end of a service here. Tell us at the first conversation rather than the day before, because the branch needs notice and the notice is the part we cannot manufacture.
A live bugler is not always available and a ceremonial bugle is used instead. That is the one part nobody can promise, and we would rather say so beforehand than have a family notice on the day.
The trade-off nobody mentions
What a national cemetery costs, and what it costs you
The national cemeteries that serve this area are on Long Island, so a family choosing one is choosing a longer journey on the day in exchange for a grave that costs nothing and is cared for permanently. Some families want that and some do not, and both are reasonable.
Put plainly: the grave, the opening and closing, the liner, the marker and the permanent care are all free, and in exchange the day of the funeral contains a long drive out of the city and a long drive back. Whether that is a good trade depends entirely on who is coming and how old they are. It is a practical decision rather than a matter of respect, and a family that decides against it has not decided against anything.
If the person had already been assigned a grave, that changes the arithmetic completely and it is the first thing to establish. Some veterans arrange it years in advance and mention it to nobody.
- Cemeteries and crematories — what a cemetery charges for when it is not a national one, and the questions to ask before a day is fixed.
- Benefits and entitlements — the rest of what a family may be able to claim, and the order to do it in.
- Burial — what we do, what the cemetery does, and why they are two bills and two diaries.
If the person served, say so in the first conversation
It costs nothing to ask and a great deal of this goes unclaimed. We ask at every arrangement, and the earlier we know, the more notice the branch gets for the honours.