What we do not do
We do not provide counselling, and grief is not something we treat
We will ring you, sit with you and point you at what exists. That is not therapy and we will not call it therapy.
A funeral home that advertises grief support is usually describing a telephone call and a leaflet, and both of those are worth having as long as nobody pretends they are something else. Ours is a call at a month and again at a year, a list of what is available near here, and a room you can sit in without an appointment.
If what you need is a counsellor, you need a counsellor, and the sooner somebody says so the better. Nobody here is qualified to do that work and describing it as though we were would keep somebody from getting it.
What the three things actually are
All three are worth having. None of them is treatment and we will not describe them as treatment.
A telephone call at a month and again at a year, made by somebody who was there, at about the point where everybody else has stopped ringing. A list of what exists near here, gone through with you rather than handed over. And a room you may sit in without an appointment, including when the only reason is that you would rather not be at home.
That is the whole of it. It is real, and families say afterwards that it mattered. It is also not therapy, nobody here is qualified to provide therapy, and a page that let the two blur would keep somebody waiting for something that is not coming instead of going to find the thing that would help.
What to do about it
What to do if you need more than that
The first step is the shortest and almost nobody takes it early enough.
Ask a doctor for a referral
It is the quickest route to a counsellor who is right for this, and it is frequently faster and cheaper than searching on your own. Say plainly what has changed rather than how well you are coping.
Check whether it is already covered
Some insurance covers it, and many employers run an assistance programme nobody remembers is there. One telephone call is enough to find out, and it is worth making before paying for anything.
Try a group first if the difficulty is loneliness
A room of people in the same position usually costs nothing and does something an hour with a professional does not. They are different tools for different weeks, not a cheaper and a dearer version of one thing.
Go earlier than feels warranted
The stretch that catches people out begins at about six weeks, which is when everybody around you assumes you are through it. Waiting until it is undeniable is the usual mistake and it is an expensive one.
Ring us for the list at any point
A year later is not a strange time to ring. There is nothing to arrange, nothing to buy, and nobody will treat it as an odd request.
How to recognise it
What a less honest version of this looks like
Two words on a website, doing a great deal of work they were never built to do.
Grief support, as a heading with nothing under it
Ask what it consists of. If the answer is a telephone call and a leaflet, both are worth having, under their own names, described as what they are.
An in-house description that borrows clinical language
Aftercare programme, bereavement service, and phrases of that sort. Ask who provides it and what that person is qualified to do. The answer is the useful part of the exchange.
A list handed over rather than gone through
A page of names is not help. Sitting down and working out which kind of help you are actually looking for is. Ask for the second thing, and it is reasonable to ask twice.
If what you need is a counsellor then you need a counsellor, and the sooner somebody says so the better. Saying it plainly is the most useful thing this page does.
The page about afterwards sets out the kinds of help that exist and how to tell which one you are looking for. It names no organisation, for the same reason nothing else on this site does.
- Afterwards — The kinds of help that exist, how to tell them apart, what we do, and the plain limit of what that is.
- The first year — What the months after are usually like, including the stretch nobody warns you about.
The rest of the argument
One argument in nine parts
Each of these is a place where a family is told less than it needs to know, by somebody, in an ordinary week. They are on separate pages because they come up separately. They are the same argument.
The other eight
If the months after are the part you are in
You may ring about this and nothing else, at any point, including a year later. There is nothing to arrange and nothing to buy.